To
be as accurate as possible, I realized I needed to include the other side of
how I experience sharing life and space with other people.
I do need my own space, literally and
figuratively. But when being around other people is a choice, rather than a
requirement, I can enjoy it. I grew up with five brothers and sisters, and
sometimes I miss the feeling of a house overflowing with people and activity
and conversations. When a musical band I’m in is clicking, it doubles or
triples the excitement of performing over playing by myself. When I was a writer
and living in Seattle—and they had finally invented laptops—I often would take
my computer to a coffee house and write. I enjoy the feeling of having
life flowing around me, without having to interact unless I choose.
I
can also enjoy what Loni and I call having people “flow through” our space.
When I lived in Moenkopi, we had a constant stream of people coming to stay
with us at the mission. It was part of our role as a voluntary service unit to
host the people from all over the world who were using the “Mennonite Your Way”
network to travel across the country cheaply and, in our case, see the Hopi and
the Grand Canyon.
Back
before the Internet, we never exactly knew who would turn up next, or when. And
often as not, they weren’t people with whom I would have chosen to spend time.
But there were enough people who were interesting, or who asked in-depth
questions about our work in the village or the Hopi, to make having new
arrivals be something like opening an unknown present at Christmas. I became
good friends with several of our return visitors as we got past surface
impressions and got to share and know each others’ lives.
It
seems for me it’s a combination of having the right to choose whether to share
time/space with people, and who the people are. I know that no one usually has
a pure choice about this; I’ve spent lots of time being polite with travelers
and others because it would be rude to just leave. But being at home should
mean being relaxed and more yourself, so for me to feel ‘at home’ around others
means I have some level of choice about sharing.
I
don’t yet see how all this can happen in our 1908 Victorian. Having seen Loni’s
gift for space planning, and her sensitivity to what people need, I believe
that if anyone can figure it out, she will.
But
this is my life and our lives and our home, and I’ll have to live with this
however it turns out. So sometimes this project does really feel like being a
crash test dummy…
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